get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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