Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
