So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
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I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
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Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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