I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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