I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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