i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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