You really coming over, don't trick.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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