no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
