It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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