Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What a dumb baby whore.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
