My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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