Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
