I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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