Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
