Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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