she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
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No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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