I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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