**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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