i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
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If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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