Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
