I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize