I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
