Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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