Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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