when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
