WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
