Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
