Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
