Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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