By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
