So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
