Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
