I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
