i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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