so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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