Say something about gay babies.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
