i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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