Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
