I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
