When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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