I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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