I think i peed on brittanys purse
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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