Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
