We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
