Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
