Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
if only i could text you this smell
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
