She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
