Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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