I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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