I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
