Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
