Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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