wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize