from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
