Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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