I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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