sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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