When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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