i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
