I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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