There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
