Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
