Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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