cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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