you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
